If I could have coffee with Jesus.

If I could have coffee with Jesus, sit with Him...in the flesh...face to face, what would I say? As the aroma of warm coffee drifts through my nose, awakening my senses, bringing me to life each morning, I wonder how Jesus feels, knowing that the first thing I crave and depend on each day is coffee, not Him. Would He be disappointed in me, or would he be proud of me that I figured out my shortcoming? Would He hold my hand and feel my exhaustion? Feel my pain? Know my constant worries?  Hear my cries from within? Would He see that I am a drifter out on a dead-end road, trying to find my way back home to Him?


If I could have coffee with Jesus, I would tell Him that I love Him; love Him for loving me unconditionally even though I fail Him every single second of the day; love Him for the greatest gift of all, His grace; love Him for seeing through my shell where I have it all together and seeing into my soul where I am falling to pieces. I would show Him my hurt and confusion. I would do all of these things...knowing that He already knows. He already has a plan to make it better. He already has my Plan in sight.


If I could have coffee with Jesus, I would spend that time counting my blessings one by one and let Him know just how much they mean to me, even though I hardly ever thank or praise Him for them. I would apologize for praying only at dinner and bedtime, the same prayer every day. I would tell Him that I promise to make Him my first priority above all else, like He has done for me, and everything else will come after Him. I would fall at His feet and beg his mercy on my soul and those of my children and family. I would weep in sorrow for the pain that I have caused Him, feeling pain myself for causing such grief for the One that loves me above all else. 


I find myself watching the world crumbling around us, wondering if my parents had the same worries that I did and just sheltered me from it all.  I find myself scared to know what my girls will inherit from this world as they grow older.  I am constantly finding myself looking up to the sky, wishing that the clouds would roll back as a scroll and He would come and envelope me and my family and take us to eternal life and love, rescue us from this chaos.